Why am I now “coasting” in life, when I used to work so hard?
For once, this is a post that I’m not going to promote on any of my social media channels, because there’s a part of me that’s a bit embarrassed about it. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve been letting myself coast through life a bit the last couple of years, not putting in much extra effort into my work, hobbies or social life. This is particularly bad given that I’m a PhD student, where there is a glamorisation of workaholism and the embedded belief that there’s never enough time in a PhD, so you have to be working crazy hours for the full 3–4 years if you stand a chance of making it — particularly if you want to succeed in academia.
In a way, I’ve been able to become more complacent than some because I’m one of the lucky ones — I have 4 years of fairly decent funding, and although it might not be much money compared with many graduate jobs, this is the most money I’ve had in my life. I’m almost exactly halfway through my PhD at present (a milestone for which I will write a blog post about), and to give myself some credit, I’ve worked pretty much 9–5ish most days, haven’t taken too much holiday and largely cared about doing a good job on my work. But I haven’t gone crazy at the work yet, for a few reasons. Some of these I’ve alluded to in previous blog posts — like the mental health benefits of truly taking time off, and the negative consequences of stress (particularly when coupled with a poor diet and lack of exercise, which often goes hand-in-hand with a high-pressured career). But if I’m honest, the main reason has been… because I’ve been truly relaxed and happy for the first time in my life, and I’ve not wanted to burst that bubble.
One of the key reasons for this is my amazing partner. I met him early on in my PhD; we got together several months later, after first being close friends. He is someone who really puts me at ease. I can unwind around him, we almost never argue, and spending time together through lockdown was bliss in many respects. But he’s also caused me to re-evaluate what I want out of life in a big way. I used to be very career-focused - as a Master’s student I worked insane hours to get top grades, and would get anxious if I didn’t feel at the top of my game. I thought that I might have a family someday, but that it could wait until my late thirties, and paid it no further thought. But meeting the right person has caused me to realise that’s now something I really want to prioritise, particularly as I’ve come to learn that having a family isn’t something that you should bank on happening, especially at a later age (nor should you bank on your parents still being around and healthy, too). Stuff I used to scoff at — settling down, financial security — is now something I really care about. And if I get to be one, I don’t want to be the kind of mum that isn’t there — physically or emotionally — for her kids. I therefore want to show my partner that I value him, and our time together.
Another reason I’ve become complacent is I’ve loved having evenings and weekends freed up to do whatever I want or most feel like — completely, now, since certain activities have been put on hold indefinitely due to COVID-19. Admittedly, this has been a mixed blessing. I suffer from energy peaks and troughs, and it’s very easy for me to spend the time in a lazy way, watching TV when I could be doing something more productive and focused towards my goals (like writing more blog posts). But I’m often reminded of that cliche, “time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time” and realising it often rings true. If I’m tired, whether from work or just a bad patch, having some proper downtime can be just the ticket. I know that if I tried doing something more cerebral during these times I would probably give up quickly or not take anything in, and feel more frustrated with myself. And I think this is quite a healthy relationship to have with oneself — but it must be balanced carefully to ensure you don’t go too far the other way. I’m therefore now trying to push myself just a bit more in the times when I do have energy, and focus on something important to me.
This connects me up to my other reason for not working like mad. As well as leading to burnout, working really hard can also lead to tunnelvision. You become convinced that what you’re doing is so important, that you fail to take stock of other interesting and important things, which could ultimately help your work and help you grow as a person. Most of my hardworking colleagues know a lot about their fields, and they may be very enthusiastic about science in general, but their knowledge and time spent on other issues is confined mainly to what can be learned on Twitter (sorry, academics). However, I don’t think what’s “worthy” of being known should be confined to things that make you look smart, such as reading history books or only novels that won the Booker Prize. For sure, it’s good to dip into these things if they interest you, and to have at least a surface knowledge of most areas. But if it feels like work, then you’re probably not enjoying it, and that means you’re not having any mental downtime if this is the stuff you turn to outside of (potentially long) working hours.
It is so important for the mind to have rest, and to experience other things in life — the love of friends and family, a fun movie, going outside, doing colouring or puzzles - just because, not to get some intellectual kick out of them. In the past, I used to think most of these activities were a waste of time, which I’d tend to do if nudged into them by others or reserve only for the Christmas holidays. But I don’t think it’s natural for the brain to be solely focused on one area for more than 40 hours a week. “Society” seems to dictate the narrative of work hard — get a good job — get a pension — die, yet we make up society. So if we don’t like it, we should act and campaign in ways to change it. Yes, one can argue that life is about finding a purpose or having a legacy, and that the greatest minds wouldn’t have got there without working hard. But one should also remember to live to experience as much as life has to offer.
